“Yes, you have to do it!”
“Yes, you have to do it; and yes, you have to do it exactly like this.”
For many years, I have encouraged mamas to tailor their children’s schooling in keeping with their children’s interests and gifts. The freedom to do that is one of the many benefits of homeschooling.
While I believe strongly in that practice, I would like to share reasons that it is not a good idea to do that all the time in every situation. Children also need to learn to follow exact instructions to do things they are not interested in at all and would rather not do, maybe even things they despise doing. Sometimes a child needs to hear and obey: “Yes, you have to do it; and yes, you have to do it exactly like this.”
This is why. Each of us who lives long enough experiences challenges. Some are minor; some are major. We all have days when things don’t go the way we want them to go. While we don’t want our children ever to go along with someone who insists that they do something morally wrong, we do want them to be able to bend in human relationships in healthy ways. My examples may seem obvious, but they are real life situations that require people to do things the way someone else says they must be done or the way someone else desperately needs.
- If an employer says the workday starts at 8:00 a.m., it doesn’t matter if our child prefers 8:30.
- If our son’s wife gets a debilitating illness, we want him to take care of her even when he is weary of the struggle.
- If our daughter’s baby cries most of the time for the first three months, we want her to hang in there and muddle through it the best she can while always serving her baby before herself.
Nellie Grant Sartoris,
only daughter of President Ulysses S. Grant,
with her baby
1 Peter 3:7 teaches husbands to live with their wives in an understanding way.
Philippians 2:3 teaches us to look out for the interests of others.
Matthew 7:12 teaches us to treat others the way we want them to treat us.
I believe those verses apply to how we treat our children. We must treat them in an understanding way, look out for their interests, and treat them the way we want to be treated. At the same time, we must teach them to do those things for others. That means that some of the time, we need to say, “Yes, you have to do it; and yes, you have to do it exactly like this.”
Children, obey your parents in the Lord,
for this is right.
Honor your father and mother
(which is the first commandment with a promise),
so that it may be well with you,
and that you may live long on the earth.
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger,
but bring them up in the discipline
and instruction of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:1-4
Your kind words yesterday and your assurances of prayer mean very much to us. Thank you.