Be Patient with Your Mama

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Many homeschooling mamas feel like the lettuce, cheese, and bologna in the middle of the sandwich generation, those folks who are caring both for their children and their aging parents.

Women make sandwiches for men living in a boarding house while working at an aircraft factory in June 1941. The men paid $8 per week for room and board, which included a daily lunch of three sandwiches, fruit, and cake. Photo by Russell Lee. Courtesy Library of Congress.

The emotional challenges facing these caregivers are real. The emotional challenges facing their aging parents are real, too. Giving up independence is hard. Occasionally, an older mama—a mama who used to stay busy taking excellent care of her children—opens up to me about these challenges. As one older mama told me recently: “Change is hard.”

One day Ray and I were visiting a couple whom we had long loved and appreciated as godly mentors. While the lady and I were chatting in the kitchen, she told me about a tiny grievance with her daughter. I feel confident that this daughter meant well when she gave her mother advice, but her mother wasn’t very happy about receiving it. The daughter had told her mother that she should get a different dish drainer. I felt sad when my friend told me that she liked her old dish drainer and couldn’t see why she couldn’t keep it.

One time while another mama I know was obeying her daughter’s kind command to wait right there while she went to get the car, the mama looked at me and lamented that her children give her orders. As I thought about it later, I thought how embarrassing it might have been for her when she saw that I heard her daughter tell her what to do.

In some ways, caring for aging parents is like caring for children, but it is very important to remember the many distinctions. Aging parents are adults—and they are our parents, parents whom God commands us to treat with respect.

Everyone likes to make at least some of their own decisions. The wise mama decides whether her child is mature enough to play outside without constant supervision, but she lets the child decide within reason whether to wear his red shirt or his green shirt today. The wise daughter of aging parents decides when it is unsafe for her parent to continue driving, but she doesn’t interfere with what kind of dish drainer she uses in her kitchen.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
Honor your father and mother
(which is the first commandment with a promise),
so that it may be well with you,
and that you may live long on the earth.
Ephesians 6:1-2

 

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2 Comments

  1. Thank you for this post, Charlene. I would love if you would post more on this topic, as I am beginning to navigate the new territory of caring for aging parents. I recall that you took care of your mama for many years, and I feel you would have much good advice and insights for us!

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