Beautiful of Form and Face
When Jacob travels back to the land of his grandfather Abraham to find a wife, he discovers Rachel who was “beautiful of form and face” (Genesis 29:17). I believe that every little girl (or big girl or little old lady) wants to be beautiful and she wants to hear that others think she is.
A young homeschooling friend asked me last weekend what I thought about a mom telling her daughter that she is pretty. The question made me think back to when my children were tiny. I remember reading (or hearing) that parents should not compliment their child’s appearance. As I recall, we were advised to compliment other traits instead, maybe ability or character or intelligence. I don’t remember now specifically what we were advised to compliment, but rather what we should not.
I tried half-heartedly to follow that advice for a while, but I gave it up and, along with complimenting my daughters’ ability and character and intelligence and many other traits, I told them what I believed was true–they were pretty. I still do.
Pretty Even When Wearing Big Brother’s
Hat, Scarf, Green Shorts, and Tennis Shoes (On the Wrong Feet)
My friend followed her question with a wise observation. She said that she figured that someone would compliment her daughter’s beauty someday–probably a boy. I agree and I don’t think that is when a girl should first hear her beauty admired. A long history of hearing her parents’ compliments is a great antidote to a daughter “falling in love” with the first young man who says what she has always longed to hear.
As I thought about writing on this subject, a few words to a song I heard long ago came to mind. It is from West Side Story. It begins with the words, “I feel pretty.” The singer goes on to say that she feels witty and charming and stunning and entrancing and that she pities any girl who isn’t her today. At the end of the song, she feels like running and dancing for joy and then she tells why: “For I’m loved by a pretty wonderful boy!”
I want my little granddaughters to know they are pretty (and I’m doing my best to make sure they know). I don’t want them to hear that first from who knows whom, but from those who love them for all the wonderful things God did when He made them.
“Listen, for I will speak noble things;
And the opening of my lips will reveal right things.
Proverbs 8:6, NASB
I believe that our sincere compliments nourish our children’s hearts and that those compliments are noble and right.
Loved this! Your approach also helps keep Christian girls from feeling like beauty isn’t something to make any effort toward – which is an attitude I found hard to change after being married and realizing that serving God also involved helping my husband avoid temptation by being at least reasonable competition for the visual temptations.
Also, compliments from family help a girl distinguish between feminine beauty and sexiness – I think a lot of young women don’t know there even is a difference.