But, Mom, I Don’t Want to Do School!

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One of the biggest frustrations for homeschooling mamas is their children’s negative attitudes about doing their schoolwork. One cause of bad attitudes is simply that children are human. Bad attitudes are a temptation for all of us, so I guess it shouldn’t be too surprising that kids have them too sometimes.

These negative attitudes have many causes. A first step in addressing the problem is finding out the reasons why. However, before I talk about that, I want to offer some words of encouragement. Bad attitudes in children are no fun. They are very painful for mamas. Please know that I offer these thoughts with deep compassion and empathy for you. I am not blaming you for your children’s attitudes. Even if these thoughts I offer do help you see things that you need to change in the way you teach or interact with your children, know that I am not judging you. I only want to help and encourage.

Things happen to children that are out of our control. Let me give you an example. My father lost a two-year-old sister who died during surgery. That loss left scars on him, his parents, and his siblings. Even as the oldest grandchild, I was aware even when very young that my precious grandmother Mama Sue had a scar that hadn’t healed.

Sibling Rivalry

The first time the New American Standard Bible translation includes the word attitude is in Genesis 31:2-5. Not surprisingly, the attitude problem is one family member’s negative attitude toward another family member. In this case, Jacob has noticed an attitude change in his father-in-law, Laban.

Jacob saw the attitude of Laban,
and behold, it was not friendly toward him as formerly.
Genesis 31:2-5

The Bible tells us that Jacob’s brothers-in-law were jealous that Jacob was becoming wealthy. The reason for Jacob’s wealth was that God was blessing his flocks.

Jacob decided to leave the homeland of his father-in-law Laban and return to the homeland of his father. Laban was not happy about that decision. The title of this illustration is Laban reproves Jacob for leaving secretly, engraved by Gerard Jean Baptiste Scotin, the Younger, c. 1725. Courtesy Smithsonian Institution, Gift of Eleanor and Sarah Hewitt.

At root was the old childhood complaint: It’s not fair! Oftentimes children struggle with feelings of jealousy toward their siblings. In a homeschool situation, a child sometimes believes that the amount or type of schoolwork he or she has to do isn’t fair because it is different from what another child has to do. Homeschooling mamas need much prayerful wisdom to handle all kinds of sibling rivalry, including this one. When this type of situation arises, it is best to stop and look closely at the facts. Perhaps the child has a point and perhaps not, but it is good to make sure.

Curriculum

During one year of our homeschooling experience, one of our children struggled painfully with math. The next year we switched to another curriculum and things turned completely around. The curriculum that child used in the painful year was the same one that had worked beautifully with an older child. When a child has a bad attitude, it is good to step back and ask ourselves if some homeschooling method or curriculum simply doesn’t fit with this child.

Amount of Time Spent on Schoolwork

Sometimes a child has a bad attitude simply because school is taking too much time. Sometimes a child will learn more with less schooling rather than with more schooling. Sometimes the best cure for bad attitudes is to take a day — or a week — off from “school” and have some fun.

It is important to let the child know specifically what he or she is doing that is unacceptable and to make that known immediately, but gently. When parents don’t address specific issues on a specific day, problems fester and get worse. Unacceptable behaviors can become bad habits. Every child needs to know that he or she is a loved and lovable person who makes mistakes rather than  feeling that he or she is a problem.

None of us can consistently keep a good attitude on our own. We need God’s help and so do our children. The first step in addressing a bad attitude is to pray about it. In Philippians, the apostle Paul tells the Christians in Philippi:

I press on toward the goal for the prize
of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
Let us therefore, as many as are perfect, have this attitude;
and if in anything you have a different attitude,
God will reveal that also to you; 
however, let us keep living
by that same standard to which we have attained.
Philippians 3:14-16

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