Clearing Up Relationships
Ray has a high school friend who emails occasionally to share news and to check up on us. Because this high school friend is not one of the guys, but one of the girls, he forwards them to me.
One day recently I texted back and forth with a friend who occasionally does tech work for Notgrass History. We took care of business, while also chatting about how he and his wife were doing and Ray’s and my plans for the weekend. A little while later, I shared the texts with Ray. One, I know Ray would want to know how they’re doing. Two, it just felt right.
Transparency is important in relationships — especially family relationships — Daddy, Mama, sons, daughters, in-laws, children — everyone and for always. We just shouldn’t be doing anything that would cause another family member pain. That transparency is crucial in a marriage.
Ray checks my text messages for me and I check his for him. When one of us is driving, the other one carries on text conversations for the driver. We have nothing to hide.
It is God’s intention that husbands and wives be one. It’s not healthy to hide things from yourself, so it’s not healthy for husbands and wives to hide things from each other. So . . . if your windshield is foggy, turn on the defrost. If your window is spotty, pull out the Windex® — or rather your healthy home alternative — like vinegar, if you’re at my house.
His and Hers are okay for pillow cases, bathrobes, and towels — but not for important things in a marriage — and an important thing is anything either of you thinks is important.
The heart of her husband trusts in her.
Proverbs 31:11
Excellent advice, Charlene. Our family has always shared one email address, and have made known phone passwords, etc, so that we all enjoy accountability. Secrets can destroy families!
I like that everything matched…..all the blues. And if you mean that blue and white pattern in front of you (it looks like wall paper to me, really), I really like it. Classy and kind of Victorian, maybe?
Thanks!
Excellent advice. Most people would laugh, but even our Google accounts have just my husband’s name. So I’ll sign and send an email to a company but the reply from the company will be addressed to him. And it always looks like he’s texting himself. 🙂 I also receive notification on any messages (text, hangout, etc) that he receives. Transparency is so important.
These are wise decisions, Megan. Good ideas.
What about work of a private nature? Should a husband in church leadership or in a counseling position discuss private matters with his wife? This touches personally, because we recently have been involved in a ministry where leadership believed that all matters should be shared. Wives were treating some people differently because of the news they had heard. It was easy to see which husband did not discuss those matters with his wife; she was the one who didn’t shun certain people.
How far should Christians take this issue of husband and wife sharing?
This is an excellent question, Sharon. When I wrote that post, I didn’t think about the kinds of things that people share with leaders in the church. I was speaking only of things related to personal relationships that might affect marriages. Ray was in ministry for 22 years and he did not shared things with me that he had been asked not to share or that he believed would be inappropriate to share. Also, I have kept secrets women who have shared with me. I believe that it is completely fine — usually. However, I do believe that caution must be maintained even, perhaps even especially, with secrets shared with church leaders. Some affairs begin because a church woman came too often and shared too much with a concerned minister and before long those conversations — and actions — crossed the line of appropriate. I have known ministers who would not counsel a woman unless his wife or a church secretary or someone was present. I think that is very wise. Then someone else knows how long the woman stayed and how often she is coming and there is just more accountability when others are around. The purpose of my article was to encourage protection marriages. Of course, I don’t know the nature of the situation in your church, but it does not sound like this is being handled inappropriately. There is sharing and there is gossip. Sometimes it is easy to get those confused. Maybe that is not happening here, but it does sound plausible to me.