The Art of the Apology
Apologizing is an art, I think, an art that requires three steps.
- Realizing we goofed, either on our own or by humbly realizing it when someone else points it out.
- Admitting or confessing our goof to the person or people affected by it.
- Genuinely saying I’m sorry in a way that admits 1 and 2 and that focuses on the affected person without making excuses or in any way making the other person feel that we really believe it is their fault.
I appreciate someone who is good at apologizing. It can be a pretty tough responsibility, but we all need to get good at it because, after all, we all goof up.
Ray and I encountered some very conscientious apologizers last weekend even though we were not in the least offended. On our way home from the Frist Art Museum, we stopped for supper at a fun Irish pub we enjoy visiting on occasion, especially to share a pot of their yummy decaf Irish tea. We also ordered steak and biscuits, a nostalgic dish for us because that is what we had 51 years ago at another Nashville Irish restaurant while on our first date.
After a reasonable time, our waitress came to our table with two plates of what appeared to be shepherd’s pie. We politely told her that those plates were not ours. She made a quick and kind apology and we contentedly waited for our steak and biscuits. Soon she returned with the manager, and they both made another sincere apology. In another short time, they both returned with our correct order.
We were not in the least upset about the incorrect order and thought absolutely nothing about it. We certainly wouldn’t have given up going to a place we enjoy so much because of a little mix up. We were surprised and almost amused by the profuse apology by the waitress and the manager and assured them that everything was completely fine.
We didn’t take any pictures at McNamara’s last weekend, but here are some from other visits, including the time when we shared steak and biscuits and Scotch eggs. Yum!
And here’s a pot of their yummy Lyon’s decaf Irish tea.
And just for fun, here’s a waitress from 1917.
Waitress Delia Kane, January 31, 1917,
photo by Lewis Hines,
courtesy of Library of Congress.
I imagine that we have all experienced occasions when we believed someone else owed us or someone else a genuine apology but the apology never came. I would rather be a profuse apologizer than a negligent one.
Teaching children to apologize correctly is often a long and slow process, but it is an important one. Years together as a family certainly gives us many opportunities to teach it. It is really one of the most important lessons we will teach.
So, as those who have been chosen of God,
holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion,
kindness, humility, gentleness and patience;
bearing with one another,
and forgiving each other,
whoever has a complaint against anyone;
just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.
Colossians 3:12-13
Jesus said:
Be on your guard!
If your brother sins, rebuke him;
and if he repents, forgive him.
And if he sins against you seven times a day,
and returns to you seven times,
saying, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.”
Luke 17:3-4