When Parenting Gets Discombobulated
In Proverbs 3:1-2, Solomon tells his son:
My son, do not forget my teaching,
But let your heart keep my commandments;
For length of days and years of life
And peace they will add to you.
Proverbs 3:1-2
Solomon:
- thought through what he wanted to teach his child,
- taught the lessons, and then
- encouraged his child not to forget them.
He also told his child: “Keep my commandments.” Sometimes the idea of giving a child “commandments” is intimidating to us mamas because we feel inadequate and unworthy. God has given us a solution to that. If we stick to teaching our children His commandments, we can be confident that those commandments are perfect. We can also be confident in our follow-through, because if God said they should behave in a certain way, we know they absolutely should behave that way.
Alaskan Nunivak mother and child, c. 1929, photo by Edward S. Curtis, courtesy Library of Congress, Prints and Photographs Division
Of course, children also need to be told to do some things that are not spelled out exactly in the Bible, things like: “come here right now” (because there is a car coming) or “go to sleep right now” (because the family is leaving for an outing at 7 a.m.) or, in the case of the Nuviak mother c. 1929, “take off those wet boots this instant” (because you’ll get frostbite). These are still commandments a child must obey, because God tells children to obey their parents. Giving these kinds of commandments, hearing them, and making the decision to obey them are based on trust that grows over time, as children learn to trust God and to trust Mama and Daddy.
I once heard a speaker encourage mamas to save their “no’s.” By that she meant that mamas shouldn’t make a big deal about things that aren’t really all that important. I think the concept of parental authority and child obedience gets discombobulated (that was one of my word-loving daddy’s favorite words) sometimes because parents insist on rules that are not directly commands of God and rules that are not necessary for the physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional health of their children.
The wise parent:
- teaches a child God’s commands and makes sure that child obeys them,
- gives a child other appropriate commands and makes sure that the child obeys them, and
- refrains from giving a child commands that are unnecessary.
A child’s obedience to parents is essential.
Children, obey your parents in the Lord,
for this is right.
Ephesians 6:1
A parent’s obedience to Colossians 3:21 is essential, too.
Fathers, do not exasperate your children,
so that they will not lose heart.
Colossians 3:21
Thank you for your prayers for Ray. We were very excited on Monday to learn that Ray’s beloved heart surgeon, Dr. Absi, would like to see Ray in person for an appointment on Friday afternoon. We would very much appreciate your prayers for Ray and Dr. Absi. Thank you again.