Forward, 2, 3, 4 and Back, 2, 3, 4:
My Heart for Generations
My family has enjoyed English country dancing for more than a decade. Ray says it’s just geometry on the floor. It’s simple once you learn the basic steps. Most dances are just a combination of these steps, rearranged in a variety of ways. Here I am during a break in a dance class from 2006. That’s our daughter Mary Evelyn in pink and green. Our son John is in the background with his hand on his hip and wearing dark green pants. I’m the one with the broken arm, but that’s another story.
To make it even easier, English country dances have callers who tell you exactly what to do. One such call goes like this: “Forward 2, 3, 4 and Back 2, 3, 4.”
For a long time, I have felt that we homeschoolers have concentrated on the Forward 2, 3, 4 without enough emphasis on the Back 2, 3, 4. We have spent much time thinking about our children and our future generations (the “Forward 2, 3, 4” folks) and not enough time honoring the “Back 2, 3, 4” who went before us. It takes a lot of old-fashioned gumption to homeschool. If we are not careful, all this gumption can make us prideful. We just might look back at our parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents and think we are so much better at this parenting thing than they were. It’s easy to get puffed up and to forget the shoulders on which we stand, those of our mamas and daddies, their parents, and the generations before them. Christian homeschoolers who were not reared in Christian homes themselves may be especially vulnerable to this, but none of us are exempt. It’s easy to think we are more faithful Christians than our parents. Shame on me for falling into that myself in the past.
The ancient Israelites were constantly reminded of those who had gone before. They knew that God was the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. They didn’t worship their ancestors, but they honored them. All of our parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents (aunts, uncles, and cousins, too) are flawed human beings. Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob were far from perfect. Some of our relatives are more flawed than others. Some have even been abusive. Those scars are terribly real. We may not be able to honor all of the individuals in the “Back 2, 3, 4” generations in the same way. For our own safety and the safety of our children, it may be necessary to honor some of them from afar.
The important thing is to look deeply into our hearts and examine how we are honoring our own “Back 2, 3, 4” folks. Are they lonely? Do they have needs we could meet? Are we making them a priority? We want our children to honor their father and mother. Are we setting them a good example?
Make this Mother’s Day special for your mother. If she is living, make this her best Mother’s Day yet. If she is not, tell your children something wonderful about her. That way you can make this a Mother’s Day you won’t forget.
Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth.
Ephesians 6:2-3, NASB
Charlene,
You have written on a subject that has been on my heart for several years now. I feel that this concept also applies to others close to us who have made a significant impact on our lives. I was fortunate in growing up being taught to respect and honor those people as well as those before me. I don’t recall ever being specifically told to do so but I saw it. We always helped out my living grandparents. We spent countless hours visiting cemeteries (which bored me to death then). We put flowers on graves. Adults who wanted me to call them by their first name had to be Mr. Rob or Miss Alberta because they were adults and I was not. One aunt told me tons of stories about my family history. My mother had items given her by people dear to her that she treasured and she taught me to do the same with items special to me. Keeping in touch with those people was also something she did. We always went to the funeral home when someone died. I didn’t realize until many years later this showed love and respect not only for the deceased but for the family left behind also. My parents are gone now and I still go to the funeral home like this. In one way I represent them when I go because they aren’t here to go. I also am writing down stories as well as telling them to my children. Also as people have gone before me out of this life, I have tried to learn from this to show my children that it is important to honor those we love while they are here and tell them how we feel and what special impact they have had on us. We should be actively teaching our distinct family history in a very real way to our children. Otherwise it will be lost. An example of this here locally is the Appalachian speech patterns that have literally been “taught out” of most of us because they sounded “uneducated”. Some of my relatives used speech patterns such as “hit” for “it” and “warsh” for “wash”. In school we were taught not to speak this way. While I don’t usually say this, I have made certain to let my children hear as much of this as I can especially from live speakers not just from recordings and explain why it came about while at the same time teaching them how to communicate with others in a modern business way. We need to be aware that while we may do some things better than those before us, we should also be humbled by the fact that our grandmothers could get up before daybreak, milk, cook breakfast, sew all the clothing for their family that included 10 children, live to bury several before they died, survive the great depression, work outdoors, keep house, and do it all with very little or no electricity and still manage to be happy, healthy and live to an old age. When we put ourselves in that light it’s easy to see that we may have some things down that perhaps they didn’t but they had it down much more than we do. ‘In many ways they had a much easier world in which to raise their families than we do’ is another oft repeated phrase. But to them something like playing pool or drinking was as bad and corrupt as doing meth is to us. I hope your article reminds everyone to keep the perspective and keep plugging on always attempting to improve what we teach future generations. I really enjoy your blog and thank you for all the help and encouragement you provide for those of us following in your footsteps also. God bless.
Thank you for your reminder to honor our parents along with the Ephesians 6:2-3 reference. I am glad to be reminded of God’s plan for my refinement and growth through my parents, no matter how I consider their faults and strengths.
May Jesus be honored and glorified as He works in me!
Praise Him!
Thank you again!
Thanks for the reminder! I am going to see my 89 yr. old aunt this weekend for this very reason–to honor and encourage her.
She is my mom’s oldest sister. And so we honor the memory of my dear mother by being with her family! My daughter Lisa is going with me! I’m pleased that she was able to rearrange her schedule to make this trip to West Virginia.
Mother’s Day is a day of mixed blessings for me, since my mother and mother-in-law have both passed away. The joy I have in being a mother myself is overshadowed by my sense of loss. I am especially saddened to know that my children never had the chance to know my mother at all. This year, however, you have restored me to a right attitude of thanksgiving and celebration, with your suggestion that I remember and honor these dear women by telling my children special stories about them. It will brighten the day for me to remember them as they are forever embedded in my heart. Thank you for your blessing of encouragement!