Keeping Hearts Close Across the Miles–First Steps
After my second Family Is Multi-Generational post, a longtime reader, whose missionary family has recently moved an ocean away from her parents, encouraged me to write about practical ways to honor your parents from afar. I loved this sentence near the end of her email:
I would love to hear your thoughts on ways to keep our hearts close when we can’t be there physically.
This mama has the first step down. She has a desire to keep their hearts close.
A Family Praying by Giovanni Francesco Barbieri, c. 1760-1770
Print by printmaker Francesco Bartolozzi,
Courtesy of the Smithsonian Institution,
Bequest of George Campbell Cooper
I’ve been mulling over her request for several days and have asked Ray to help me with some ideas. I plan to share more thoughts about this subject from time to time, but first let’s start with the hearts involved, the parents’ hearts, the hearts of the adult children, and the hearts of the grandchildren. Acts 4 tells about how the early Christians interacted with one another.
. . . those who believed were of one heart and soul . . .
Acts 4:32b
This is what godly parents want to have with their godly children. They want to be of one heart and soul.
Be compassionate. Though a husband and wife are convinced that they did the right thing to move where they did, it is important to realize that their parents might be having a hard time with the decision. Even when parents fully endorse their children’s decision to live farther away, they are still experiencing a loss. Be compassionate about how your parents feel about where you choose to live, whether this is an ocean away or only a little farther away.
Accept their grief. When parents are struggling, a first step in keeping hearts close is to accept their grief as real without judgment or criticism. Patiently try to understand their feelings. Accept their feelings. Validate their feelings—in word, in deed, and with a sweet attitude. Express your deep and heartfelt regret that they are in pain.
Take that a step further and acknowledge that being farther away is a loss for you and your children, too, because it is. Being able and willing to tell your parents that you are also experiencing this is a vital step toward keeping your hearts close.
Fill the void. Be creative. Do all you can to help parents feel their loss as little as possible. Call more. Text more. Send more pictures. If you are close enough to continue visiting regularly, visit more.
So, as those who have been
chosen of God, holy and beloved,
put on a heart of compassion,
kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience . . .
Colossians 3:12
Encourage them daily. I personally believe that at least one contact a day is important for maintaining a heart to heart connection, whether parents and children live far away or nearby. I will never regret calling my parents every day for many years. I wish I could do that again. Not only did it keep our hearts connected, it also helped me be be aware of their needs.
But encourage one another day after day,
as long as it is still called “Today” . . .
Hebrews 3:13