Praising Each Child Fairly
Between 1979 and 1983, I gave birth to three distinctly different children. Now those distinctly different children have blessed us with distinctly different grandchildren.
Five of these distinctly different grandchildren came for an overnight visit last Friday. While Ray and I were making breakfast during Saturday morning’s joyful mayhem, I went from room to room to take pictures of what each child was doing at that moment. No two were doing the same thing. One was playing the piano, another was in the bathroom, one was riding the plastic scoot-along motorcycle I found at an antique store for $4, and another was playing on the front stairs. I had to search for the two-year-old, but quickly found him at the top of the back stairs playing with one of my Daddy’s walking canes.
The next time I saw the one who had been in the bathroom, he had climbed onto the back of the red and yellow plastic Little Tikes® Cozy Coupe®, which is always parked in our pantry waiting for the grandchildren to ride in it, ride on top of it, pull things with it, and lay it on its side to play mechanic.
During a craft time on Friday afternoon, I praised a creation of our ten-year-old grandson who lives and breathes art and called him “our artist.” As the words were leaving my mouth, I realized that I shouldn’t say “our artist” in front of the other children. For one thing, we have two other grandsons who also love art and do it beautifully. Those grandsons weren’t there at the time, but the ten-year-old’s siblings were. Though they don’t love art as much as he does, they do create it and enjoy it.
Art classes at Tower Hill School,
Wilmington, Delaware, c. 1943.
Courtesy of Library of Congress.
In my momentary dilemma, I quickly said something like, “One of our artists” but that wasn’t quite right either. I was in a quandary, wondering how to build up one child without making the other children feel diminished. Next time I will try to choose my words more carefully or say my praise in private.
I tell this story to help us all think about situations we face every day. Each child in your family and mine is made in the image of God. However, God has given each one specific gifts that differ from those He gave to others. Our world honors some gifts much more than it honors other gifts. If we mothers aren’t careful, we can honor the gifts of one child more or differently than the gifts of another child.
Our words are powerful—for good and for ill—and their impact can last for a lifetime. Oh, how we must pray for wisdom and be very careful what we say.
Let your speech always be with grace,
as though seasoned with salt,
so that you will know
how you should respond to each person.
Colossians 4:6
Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth,
but only such a word as is good for edification
according to the need of the moment,
so that it will give grace to those who hear.
Ephesians 4:29