Finders Keepers
When Ray and I were in our 20s, we’d never heard of YouTube or podcasts. People listened to talks in two ways—in person and on cassette tape. Back then we heard a popular sermon, which had been recorded first as an LP and later as a cassette tape. The preacher’s purpose was to help wives understand their husbands. The title was “If I Were a Woman.” One of his points was about what he would do if he were a woman married to a man in a mid-life crisis, a man who had decided to purchase a motorcycle. The preacher advised: “Buy a helmet and hop on the back of it.” It is easy for me to say I agree with him since Ray never wanted a motorcycle. I might be tempted to waver if he had because I am scared to death of them! Whew! Saved by Ray being afraid of them, too.
Still, I do think the advice is good, and it doesn’t just apply to husbands. It applies to teenagers, too.
In 1997 our daughter Bethany asked us if we could start attending an English country dance class. Dancing was controversial in our Christian circles back then. Still, we said yes. This wasn’t, after all, some kind of boogie woogie-ing (like we heard a Scottish woman say one time). These were historic dances that Ray came to call geometry on the floor (hey, can we count this as math?).
In time our whole family was enjoying English country dance, and it became an important part of our lives. The group we joined back in 1997 is still going. It meets twice a month. Mary Evelyn and Bethany’s husband’s sister are the teachers. And where did Bethany meet her husband? At English country dance class.
Sometimes mothers talk to me about trying to relate to their teen daughters. I advise them to find something the two of them can do together, something the daughter will enjoy. Sometimes we have to examine our own preferences (or prejudices) and look at things afresh. A wise woman once taught me to choose my battles. In other words, say yes to gaudy, ugly shoes, so that saying no to something important later is not exasperating to your child.
The first time I ever remember having a dance discussion with my own mother was when I was in early elementary school. I asked her if I could take ballet. She told me that our church didn’t believe in dancing. But when Mother came to live with us, she was eager to join us as a spectator at our English country dance sessions. She even tried it a few times herself.
So why did I call this Finders Keepers? Find something you and your child love to do together and keep that relationship growing.
Give me your heart, my son,
And let your eyes delight in my ways.
Proverbs 23:26
Thanks for going out of your way to bless us, Mom! I have good musical memories.
Thank you, John. Me, too.
Thank you for sharing this very wise philosophy, Charlene.:-) As a homeschooling mother of 4 teens–and 1 elementary aged–I agree that it’s important to choose your battles, and be willing to try things that may not necessarily be your cup of tea. As long as what we’re doing is not dishonoring to God, we appreciate that it gives us common ground, and continually binds our hearts together. So I listen right along with my teens to their contemporary Christian music…and they listen with me to my Big Band and jazz tunes. We are all the better for sharing each other’s lives this way!
Well said, Betsy. I agree wholeheartedly.